You have decided to divorce; now what? The first question to ask yourself is, “What process is the best fit for you and your family?” The process you choose will impact cost, conflict, and timing as well as your family and financial future. To make the best decision, you need professional education to be certain you understand all of your options before you begin. Here, we’ll go over the most common types of divorce and why the mediation process might be the best option for you. What Are the Different Divorce Options?The family transition in separation or divorce can challenge you emotionally and financially. The first question to ask yourself is “What process is the best fit for you and your family?” What Is a Pro Se Divorce?In a pro se divorce, the parties are self-represented and do not hire lawyers. This means that parties must make decisions, draft, and file all the required legal documents and financial disclosures on their own behalf. Although a pro se divorce may initially seem like a more affordable option, navigating the divorce process without any legal input can result in mistakes and uninformed decisions, court rejection of an agreement, or future disputes and returns to court. Because of this, a pro se divorce can actually become more expensive and complicated than other divorce options. What Is a Collaborative Divorce?Collaborative divorce is the process in which each party hires a lawyer and all four work together in a cooperative, non-adversarial, out-of-court process with the mutual goal of reaching an agreement. A team approach with direct client participation is used for educating, negotiating, and reaching agreements; the team may also include child or financial specialists. Each party commits not to go to court for decisions, and collaborative lawyers are disqualified from participating in contested court hearings. What Is Divorce Litigation?Divorce litigation, or lawyer negotiation, is the traditional adversarial divorce process in which one or both parties hire an attorney who advocates for that client’s position. Attorneys negotiate, but if an agreement on all issues is not reached, the judge conducts a court trial and makes final decisions. Divorce arbitration is similar to litigation except decisions are made by a hired arbitrator rather than a judge. Even though most litigated divorces are ultimately resolved by a settlement between the parties, it can be a lengthy process that is emotionally and financially expensive. What Is Limited Scope Representation?Limited scope representation, also referred to as consulting services, is an option for a party to hire a lawyer to provide advice, document review, drafting, or other specified services. This allows a party to pay only for limited legal assistance rather than full representation. Consulting and limited scope representation help lower costs while also avoiding the risks that come with a pro se or self-represented divorce. When considering limited scope representation, it is essential for parties to discuss and agree upon the specific tasks to be performed with their attorneys before beginning services. What Is Divorce Mediation?Divorce mediation is a process in which parties hire a neutral lawyer who works with the couple jointly but does not represent or advocate for either party. The lawyer mediator educates the parties about the law, guides discussions to help them resolve issues, and drafts and files legal documents. The goal of mediation is to help parties reach durable agreements that meet the needs of their family. Mediation may include child and financial specialists if needed to assist the parties in making well-informed family and financial decisions. Why Choose Divorce Mediation?Divorce is more than a legal problem; it affects every aspect of your life. Too many families spend time and money in courtrooms fighting. At Family Mediation Center, we will help you choose a healthy path to address your financial, emotional, and legal concerns as you create the necessary legal documents and move forward. To help better illustrate the benefits of the divorce mediation process, here is a side-by-side comparison of mediation and traditional litigation.
Contact the Family Mediation Center TodayThe Family Mediation Center's process is designed to minimize cost and conflict. To schedule a no-charge phone consultation with a lawyer mediator or to receive more information about our mediation process, please call us at 414-939-6707 or contact us online. All inquiries are confidential.
By Grant Zielinski, Divorce Financial Solutions
Divorce requires complete restructuring of your family and your finances. As you consider divorce, here are some financial mistakes you can avoid by getting professional input and making well-informed financial decisions.
When you’re in the midst of a divorce, it is easy to get caught up in emotions and the desire to be done. Poorly informed financial decisions may cause problems long into the future—don’t just get it done, get it done right! Consult with a neutral professional at the Family Mediation Center to understand your options.
Grant G. Zielinski is a certified divorce financial analyst (CDFA) at Divorce Financial Solutions, LLC in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Grant works as a neutral financial specialist in mediation and collaborative cases to educate clients on financial matters such as tax issues, maintenance, child support, and property division incident to divorce.
By: Casey Holtz, PhD, Child and Family Specialist
As parents navigating separation or divorce, you want to do what is best for your children. However, it is not always easy to work together or know what to do or say. Resources are available to help you both consider the impact of restructuring your family and provide ideas on how to reduce risk for your children.
While there are no single answers that fit all families, tools like the online help page can provide useful information about co-parenting or other relevant divorce/separation related topics. Many parents find that while books and webpages are helpful for basic education, they lack consideration of their unique children and family situation. Families looking for more specific support and input individually tailored to their family and their children’s needs will find educational/consultation support from a child specialist valuable. A child specialist helps you as a parent:· Understand the impact of separation on your child · Talk openly about your thoughts and feelings about and with your child. · Create a child-centered parenting plan that addresses your child-related issues and concerns. · Have an ongoing resource as an alternative to court. A child specialist helps your child by: · Giving the child a chance to express feelings, thoughts and concerns about what is happening. · Encouraging the child to feel safe and supported throughout the separation. · Providing healthy ways to manage stress and emotions during the separation period. · Giving an avenue to feel heard by you as parents through the child specialist—“voice not a choice”. If you have questions about child specialist services or would like to discuss your options regarding separation or divorce related processes, please contact Casey Holtz, Ph.D. (414) 810-7647 or the Family Mediation Center (414) 939-6707. With the United States Supreme Court decision in Obergefell v. Hodges, every state must grant and recognize same-sex marriage. In the years since, couples and courts are realizing that with gay marriage also comes gay divorce. Courts have the legal obligation to grant divorces to same-sex couples. The application of Wisconsin’s Family Code to a same-sex divorce can become a complicated task for attorneys let alone for the couple on their own. For a court to grant a divorce, couples must disclose all assets, debts, and income and allocate all marital property. Wisconsin’s Family Code (Chapter 767) sets forth various presumptions and factors in determining and allocating divisible property, such as length of marriage, gifts and inheritances, and contributions to the marriage. Legal factors are also listed that impact the determination of maintenance, aka spousal support and any child-related issues. Divorce Mediation for Same-Sex Couples by Attorney Erin M. Idler One question with a same-sex marriage in Wisconsin is determining at what point the couple is ‘married’ for purposes of divorce determinations of property division and maintenance. Is it the day the Wisconsin Supreme Court held it unconstitutional to deny same-sex marriage? Is it the day the U.S. Supreme Court held same? Is it the day the couple legally married in another state even though the marriage was not recognized in Wisconsin yet? Is it a period of living in a marriage-like relationship since the couple could not legally marry? If children are involved, there are additional issues about parental rights. Without prior case law, legal issues in a gay divorce can become contentious and can lead to costly attorney fees, frustrating time in court, and high levels of stress. The Family Mediation Center is a positive approach to resolving all issues required by the court in a private setting with a minimum of conflict and cost. The lawyer mediator will guide the couple through the issues and steps in obtaining court approval. Team members, including financial specialists and family/child specialists, can further assist if needed to help the couple develop a parenting plan and allocate complex assets including business interests. The Family Mediation Center is an option for LGBT couples looking for a cooperative approach to create and implement their own divorce agreement. Though located in Milwaukee, with online mediation this FMC option is available for couples throughout the state of Wisconsin.
If you’re considering a divorce or separation, you may feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to proceed. When considering your divorce options, you might consider self-representation or traditional litigation. However, there is a confidential and effective process available to you known as divorce mediation that might be a better fit for your situation.
Here, we’ll go over what you need to know about divorce mediation in Wisconsin and provide a step-by-step guide on how the mediation process works. What Is Divorce Mediation?
Divorce mediation is a confidential, problem-solving process in which a neutral lawyer mediator guides you through all necessary decisions and documents needed for a divorce or separation. You and your partner will meet together with the mediator to gather information, discuss options, and create your own agreement. The mediator will also provide education and professional resources so you can identify goals and negotiate effectively to resolve issues.
What Are the Benefits of Mediation?
Mediation with a neutral lawyer-mediator is a low- conflict/ and low- cost way to get legal education, guidance, and drafting assistance. This will help you be certain you both make well-informed decisions and reach agreements that will last and be best for your family.
Some additional benefits of divorce mediation include:
How Divorce Mediation Works in Wisconsin
Although divorce bears unique considerations for each individual, the divorce mediation process can be broken down into a series of steps you’l follow. Here is a list of divorce mediation steps for Wisconsin:
Contact an Experienced Divorce Mediator Today
Mediation is a positive way to resolve your divorce or any other family law or post-judgment issue. The two of you can openly share information, obtain education, and discuss issues and options with expert assistance while retaining control of the outcome for your family.
If you’re considering divorce, the experienced attorneys at Family Mediation Center can help. If you would like to schedule a free phone consultation with a lawyer mediator or obtain further details regarding our mediation process, contact us online or call 414-939-6707. All inquiries are confidential.
By: Attorney Greg Hildebrand, co-founder of FMC
Divorce is difficult, but you can choose whether or not it is destructive. In Wisconsin, more and more couples are choosing to resolve their family issues via mediation—including the convenient and cost-effective option of online mediation--with the Family Mediation Center (FMC). In mediation, the couple jointly retains a neutral lawyer mediator who functions as an educator and guide to help them make informed decisions and efficiently navigate the legal process. Check out these top 5 reasons a couple considering separation or divorce should choose FMC mediation:
1. PRIVACY Rather than addressing relationship issues through a legal conflict in a public courthouse, couples using mediation resolve all issues through confidential discussions in a private conference room. This is important for anyone who is concerned about the public release of personal details and especially for parents, business owners and professionals. 2. RESPECT By its very nature, cases that go through the court system are adversarial. It pits husband versus wife, mother versus father, as each side tries to prove to a judge that he or she is a better parent or deserves more (or less) money. In contrast, mediation is a method of conflict resolution in which the mediator helps the parties attack the problem rather than each other. The mediator helps foster an atmosphere of respect and dignity within the negotiation process. 3. EFFICIENCY Over 95% of all divorce cases end with an agreement, whether soon after filing a petition for divorce or after the parties have spent many thousands of dollars and more than a year in and out of court. The key question is the process you choose to reach an agreement. The efficiency and cost savings of a joint process is an enormous advantage for divorcing couples who have the ability to work together. 4. INTERDISCIPLINARY Divorce is not just a legal process; it is also an emotional and financial process. At FMC, couples work with a lawyer mediator and may involve a child and/or financial specialist as needed. The child specialist helps clients focus on what is most important to them (i.e., their children) and gives the children a voice in the process. The financial specialist can expand value (e.g., determining the most tax advantageous options and maintaining business profitability) and helps ensure financial transparency and informed decision-making. 5. CREATIVITY When a judge makes a ruling, he or she is bound to rule within certain parameters of the law. In FMC mediation, the parties may create their own agreements that are much broader, so long as they are mutually acceptable and livable for them and do not violate public policy. Any couples who want a family-tailored result rather than a court-imposed decision are best served by the creativity available within the mediation process. If you have questions about how mediation can benefit your family, contact the Family Mediation Center to schedule a consultation with a lawyer mediator at (414) 939-6707 or visit our website at www.familymediationcenter.com and fill out the contact form. Greg Hildebrand represents individuals in all divorce matters affecting the family including complex financial issues and child custody and placement matters. He is also a trained and experienced mediator who assists represented parties and their lawyers in resolving divorce issues privately and without court involvement.
By: Sue Schramka, Psy.D.
Divorce can be a difficult and painful process, but you and your spouse will determine how it impacts your children. One of the greatest challenges you face is to both separate and co-parent. The most important aspect of your relationship with your ex-spouse, your co-parenting relationship, needs to remain intact and, in fact, be strengthened to work effectively across two homes.
Research has shown that the single most important factor in healthy post-divorce adjustment in children is low conflict between the parents. Therefore, when transitioning from spouses to co-parents, ensuring the well-being and future happiness of your children is crucial. As a child specialist, I help many couples make the transition and restructure their post-divorce family for the sake of their children. I urge all couples to consider working with a child specialist to help them be the best co-parents possible for the sake of their children. Here are three tips from my work with families that I want to share. Tip #1: Take Time and Allow Yourself to Grieve
Moving from a marital relationship to a co-parenting relationship is a process that takes time and encompasses several steps. The first is to grieve the loss of the marriage and the “nuclear” family. This is a process that often moves in a stop and start manner as various events occur and you experience living without your ex-spouse and begin to redefine your new family life with your children.
Tip #2: Develop New Patterns of Communication
Another step is to accept that the issues that led to the decision to divorce may not be fully resolved in your divorce process. All the patterns, behaviors, and resentments that led to the end of the marriage do not simply end with divorce, and the legal process will not allocate fault. To begin building a healthy co-parenting relationship, you must recognize familiar impulses to engage in past patterns of conflict and then resist these inevitable impulses. You must both work on creating new child-centered patterns of communication and decision-making to be successful parenting partners.
Tip #3: Manage Your Own Emotional Needs
Finally, you must understand that your emotional needs should not be met by your children. Your children, even if they are adults, should not become your emotional caretakers or conduits between parents. You have to find ways to get your emotional needs met in other activities and people, including individual counseling if needed to help you with the transition, so you can manage the business of co-parenting and be the best parent possible for your children.
If you can focus on the positives and clear away residual negative patterns from your marriage, you can begin to build a very healthy and effective co-parenting relationship with your ex-spouse. In the end, no one loves your children more than you and your ex-spouse, the other parent. Who better to partner with to guide their development and usher them to adulthood? Is Your Family in Transition? The Family Mediation Center Can Help
To schedule a consultation or to receive more information about mediation services through The Family Mediation Center, please call us at 414-939-6707 or contact us online and a member of our staff will contact you. All inquiries are confidential.
Sue Schramka is a psychologist at LifeStance Health. She provides treatment for children, adolescents, and adults. Her special interests include assisting separating and divorcing families as a Child Specialist and treating anxiety and mood disorders, interpersonal difficulties, and stress management.
Divorce can be a complex and emotionally challenging process. Decision-making is stressful and emotions run high. It is important to remember that your actions throughout this process can not only affect your final settlement agreement, but also affect your family relationships. Rather than having regrets, below are some helpful tips during this time:
DO • Do be reasonable and cooperative in decision-making. Respectful communication will lead to creative and positive options. • Do follow all temporary court orders or agreements. It will help to ease conflict. • Do confer with your spouse before selling or giving away property. • Do fully disclose all assets and debts. • Do support your children. Changing family dynamics is difficult for adult children as well as minor children. • Do consider consulting with a child specialist to help keep a positive focus on their needs and interests. • Do be upfront about your needs and interests. It will help to create options that are in the best interests of the entire family. • Do take care of your physical, emotional and mental health. See a therapist if you need assistance. • Do understand all of your process options. A court litigated approach is not the only way. Call us to learn more about mediation with the Milwaukee Mediation Center DON’T • Don’t lash out at your spouse or react negatively to their actions, especially around your children. Give yourself time before making major decisions. • Don’t violate any temporary court orders or agreements. • Don’t sell or give away property without your spouse’s mutual agreement. • Don’t hide assets or withhold income from your spouse. • Don’t involve significant others in your children’s lives too quickly. It can confuse your children and make them insecure. Introduce new relationships only when you and your children are ready. • Don’t use your children as a pawn in order to get what you want and don’t make them pick sides. • Don’t involve adult children in the drama. They are still your children and deserve to be insulated from parental conflict. • Don’t defer to the past, it cannot be changed. Instead, look forward in deciding how to reshape your family. • Don’t go it alone. Contact us today or call us at 414-939-6707 to learn how the we can guide you and your spouse through the complexities of a divorce process.
The decision to divorce your spouse has many emotional and financial ramifications and involves many choices. Choosing your process is the first step and then there are many additional decisions you will both need to make. There are likely bank accounts to divide, home ownership and a mortgage balance to deal with, and credit card debt to pay. If you have children, all of their day-to-day needs and activities continue—school work, after-school activities to be driven to, doctor appointments to be made. With a separation, a child placement schedule must be arranged with the other parent.
All of the above decisions have the ability to be an “issue” in the divorce process. With each issue comes the potential of conflict and the decision whether to hire a lawyer. The traditional view of divorce is that it is inevitably adversarial with damaging emotional and financial costs for the family. It doesn’t have to be that way. After you have made the decision to divorce, your first step is to become educated about process options. One alternative to the traditional divorce process is mediation. Mediation is a confidential, problem-solving process in which a neutral third party (the lawyer mediator) will help educate and guide both of you through all necessary decisions and documents you need to complete for a divorce or separation. You and your spouse deal with all “issues” outside of the courtroom and retain all decision-making. It’s your family. Divorce should be your process and your resolution.
Our children are our greatest assets and there is no time when we are more concerned about their interests than when a family is going through divorce. Divorce is a life experience that doesn’t present itself often and, as a result, it is sometimes difficult to know how to handle the process, especially when children are involved. Separating and staying co-parents is challenging. A child specialist may assist you in navigating the process and help you work together with your child’s other parent to make decisions and plan for the future.
A child specialist will help you look at divorce through the eyes of your child and be able to help you understand how children of different ages and different temperaments approach parental separation and divorce. Your child specialist can help you frame how you want to present the divorce decision to your children and assist you to better understand your changing role and responsibilities as a co-parent living in a different household. The Court expects that you and your child’s other parent will prepare a parenting plan that outlines how you will handle the tasks of parenting in a way that delineates how decisions will be made, where the child will spend time, and how you will manage some of the challenges of divorced life such information sharing, holidays and adding new family members. All of these aspects of divorce will be a part of your conversations with your child specialist. The child specialist can meet with your child and ensure that their voice is heard in the process. Getting feedback from a trained professional who understands children, your unique family situation and divorce can be invaluable in preparing you to write your parenting plan. I hope that you see the value of working with professionals who have training in family systems and child development as you move through your divorce. You may divorce, but you are still a family! Jeanne Schroeder, Ph.D. Dr. Jeanne Schroeder is an Individual Therapist, Mediator, Child Specialist, and Coach with In Focus Counseling. She works with clients who are facing challenging circumstances, strong emotions, and a sense of uncertainty to help them adapt to life-changing events and stressful situations. |