By: Serena Clardie, MSW, LCSW, Child Specialist
The impact of divorce on children is largely a reflection of how parents handle the restructuring of their family. Children can face long-term negative mental health impact from divorce when there is ongoing conflict between parents. Mediation helps parents discuss current challenges and anticipate future issues in co-parenting to minimize harm and stress on their children.
Working with a child specialist provides you with the expertise of a mental health professional trained in mediation and experienced in helping families navigate separation and divorce. A child specialist can offer guidance on the unique circumstances of the developmental stage your child is in when the divorce is first occurring as you are working to support them through the process and develop afamily plan. Child specialists can also help you consider how to shift your co-parenting strategies as your children grow and their needs change. Here are some developmental considerations:
Infant/Toddler (0-2 years)
- Critical time to foster attachment bonds, despite some inevitable times of separation due to divorce
- Unique patterns around feeding and sleep and how to minimize disruption
Early Childhood (2-6 years)
- Some increased cognitive ability to understand divorce, but limited in ability to truly understand long term ramifications
- Magical thinking might lead to feeling the divorce is their fault or that parents will get back together
- Regression around developmental milestones is common during these years when a child is under stress.
Middle Childhood (6-12 years)
- Strong identification with family during these years that can lead to loyalty conflicts
- Beginning to balance new demands of other aspects of life (academics, friends, etc.), which makes stability at home even more critical
Adolescence (13-18 years)
- Complicates process of individuation and separation from parents as teens may become overly responsible for a parent or pull away prematurely
- Placement schedules and different houses can intrude on social life and activities so teens may push for having the freedom to decide which parent they stay with and when which can create family issues
Emerging adulthood (18-25 years)
- May live with parents, independently or on college campus so needs can vary widely during this stage
- No legal placement schedule is enforced, but the need for both parents to maintain strong connections with their kids remains critical.
- Finances can be a potential area for conflict during this time as parents are often still supporting their kids financially to some degree, but legal agreements may no longer apply.
Adult children
- Can feel overly responsible for parents’ well-being at the expense of their own adjustment, especially if they are pulled to provide emotional support or negotiate conflicts.
- Strain can be present as adult children try to make time for both parents while managing their own lives and families (holidays, time with grandchildren, etc.)
Child specialists can help parents understand and prepare for these stages in their children’s lives as everyone continues to grow and change through the divorce. The input and positive communication support of a child specialist at the outset can help parents create a healthy foundation for family transitions and a positive future for their children.
Serena Clardie, MSW, LCSW owns a private psychotherapy practice in Milwaukee. She works as a Child Specialist with divorcing families and specializes in work with adolescents and young adults and treatment for mood and anxiety disorders. She can be reached at clardielcsw@gmail.com.