By Attorney Erin M. Idler, Lawyer/Mediator Divorce does not have to be a battle. Working together to have an amicable divorce can be less stressful and lower cost than a contentious one. Here are some tips to help you achieve a peaceful outcome: 1. Open and Honest Communication
2. Prioritize Children's Well-Being
3. Seek Professional Help
4. Focus on Financial Matters
5. Be Patient and Understanding
Remember, an amicable divorce is possible, but it requires effort, listening, problem-solving, and a commitment to a peaceful resolution. By following these guidelines, you can increase your chances of a smooth and healthy transition.
You may be thinking about or already decided upon a divorce. If you have not had discussions with your spouse, this can be a difficult first step. Your initial conversations can set the tone for the entire divorce process and impact every aspect of your family’s future. Taking this first step effectively may help reduce conflict and cost as you navigate the legal steps needed for a divorce. Here are tips from our family mediators at the Family Mediation Center to help you create the best foundation possible for next steps. Consider Getting Professional HelpJoint counseling can be a safe and neutral place to initiate the conversation and weigh your options. A therapist with a marriage discernment approach can help both of you speak openly to determine whether divorce is the only option and whether a joint approach is possible. It is also helpful to get an understanding of the legal process by consulting a lawyer. FMC lawyer mediators offer a no-charge initial phone consultation. Consulting with a FMC child specialist may also help keep the focus on your children from the outset. Thoughtfully Plan Details of When, Where, and What to Say in AdvanceIt is best to avoid bringing up separation or divorce in anger or when your children are present. You must also consider any safety concerns as you think about how and where to initiate the conversation. Be clear and honest about how you feel and why you want a divorce. This does not mean a litany of reasons you blame your spouse since that is just likely to trigger a defensive and angry response. Debating who is at fault is not a helpful starting place to move forward. Though you may think your spouse is aware or should have seen this coming, understand your decision may come as a surprise. You can’t control your spouse, but you can control your own words and reactions. You may need to listen to your spouse’s different perspective and feelings at the outset. Your spouse may need time to adjust and process emotions and thoughts that are different than yours which may mean taking a break and returning to the conversation another day. You may also want to reconsider joint counseling. Get Educated About Your Legal Process OptionsFamily Mediation Center lawyer mediators will explain your options during the free initial call so you can decide how you want to proceed and whether to make any process suggestions for your spouse to consider. Your process choice will have a profound impact on both the legal process and the outcome of your divorce. You should carefully consider your options. You may want to suggest meeting together with a mediator at the outset to get neutral input about ways to restructure your family and your finances. Sharing your goal of avoiding a high conflict, high cost divorce may help allay some of the fears and upset that can come with the prospect of divorce.
In summary: It is important for you to consider your plan for a divorce conversation in advance. Thoughtful planning can help support a more reasonable and respectful conversation that gives you and your family the best prospects for a healthy future. Contact Family Mediation Center today to schedule a free initial phone call with one of our experienced lawyer mediators who can answer your questions and help you weigh options for next steps. For more information to help you make a decision that is right for you and your family, call (414) 939-6707 or fill out a contact form. Divorce mediation offers a path toward navigating family issues and the court process with dignity, respect, and mutual agreement. At Family Mediation Center, we believe in empowering couples with education, guidance, and the support of our experienced mediation team. Preparing for mediation is crucial for a smooth, efficient process that considers both parties' emotional and financial well-being. This blog post provides a comprehensive checklist for those considering divorce mediation, emphasizing the importance of choosing the right mediation team and preparing effectively for the journey ahead. Understanding Your OptionsIt’s crucial to understand the different divorce process options available to make the best choice possible for you and your family. At Family Mediation Center, we provide no charge initial phone calls with a lawyer mediator and a joint legal education meeting of up to two hours for a flat fee of $250. If helpful, consider interviewing alternative mediators. It’s essential that you feel comfortable as you’ll be sharing personal information and relying on their expertise to restructure your family and your finances. Divorce does not have to be emotionally or financially destructive, but it is important you get the best help possible as you navigate this challenging time and make decisions that affect the rest of your life. Choosing Your TeamSelecting your lawyer mediator is the first step toward a constructive divorce process. A skilled lawyer mediator provides legal education, facilitates communication, and helps you and your spouse find common ground and reach equitable agreements. Unlike a judge or arbitrator, a mediator does not make decisions for you but works to help you understand your options and reach mutual, well-informed agreements. Divorce is not just a legal issue. For a more holistic mediation process, consider a team that includes financial and child/family specialists. This multidisciplinary approach ensures that all aspects of your divorce, from asset division to child custody are addressed with the most skilled professionals in each field. If children’s issues are at the forefront, you may wish to start your process with a child specialist. Call Family Mediation Center or refer to our website for referrals. Preparing for Your Mediation MeetingsAt your first joint meeting, you will review the legal documents and decide on a time for filing your court action. You will also review the financial homework necessary for the court Financial Disclosure Statement and the complete financial picture needed to make decisions for your final agreement. A comprehensive financial snapshot is crucial for informed decision-making during mediation. Information will include pay stubs, bank statements, investment accounts, retirement benefits, recent tax returns, and information and values or appraisals for any other assets or debts. At subsequent meetings you will discuss all of the information and decide on allocation of income, expenses, assets, and debts. Equally important is preparing yourself mentally and emotionally. Going through a divorce can be emotionally taxing, so consider strategies to help you manage stress and stay focused. You may have many friends and family giving advice, and having professional support to clarify your goals can be helpful. Approaching mediation with a constructive attitude, open mind, and readiness to negotiate can help keep the process on track toward final resolution. If you have children, their needs should be central and a child specialist can help you jointly decide how best to support them through separation, divorce, and beyond. Support from a mediation professional skilled in child development, co-parenting techniques, and options for family transitions can assure your agreements are focused on your children’s best interests. The mediator will help you consider all information needed and options to consider before you make final agreements. It is essential you both are well-informed so you can create a durable agreement that works now and avoids future returns to court. Agreements Needed for a Final DivorceThe number of meetings needed to finalize your divorce depends on the extent of your issues and your mutual cooperation. You can discuss your personal process in your free first call and flat fee joint meeting. To conclude a divorce in mediation you need to reach agreements in three key areas:
In each of these areas, the goal is to achieve mutually acceptable agreements that respect the needs and interests of all parties involved, laying the foundation for a positive future. Considering Divorce Mediation? Contact The Family Mediation Center TodayDivorce mediation is a path toward resolving disputes with dignity, respect, and a focus on the future. By choosing the right process and professionals and preparing thoroughly, you can navigate this challenging time with greater ease and confidence. The Family Mediation Center is here to support you every step of the way, offering the guidance and expertise needed to reach amicable agreements that serve the best interests of your entire family.
Contact us today for a free consultation.
By Jack Hojnar and Cathy Reilly, Enata Homes
I recently spoke at a conference where attendees lined up at the microphone to ask questions about my presentation when someone asked, "What is the biggest challenge you’ve had to overcome?"
Without hesitation, I replied, "my divorce." This response caught the audience off guard with many showing confusion. However, my divorce was undeniably the most significant challenge I had ever faced. My business and life partner, Cathy Reilly, had a similar experience with her divorce, which was one of her most profound life challenges. Regardless of how amicable or tumultuous divorce proceedings can be, transitioning from a shared life to an unknown future is incredibly daunting. You're left wondering, "now what?" Divorce raises numerous questions: What about the children? Who can you confide in? How will you manage finances? What will your dating life look like? Perhaps the most pressing question is: Where will you live? Cathy and I had to grapple with these very questions in our own lives. Before we found each other, we had been in long marriages, raised children, gone through divorces, and were left to start anew. Recognizing that the process of selling and buying a home during such a transition can be profoundly emotional, we established Enata Homes to move away from a purely transactional approach. We believe that our business is built on the relationships we forge and the unique experiences we bring to the table, not just in real estate but also in dealing with divorce. This is why we proudly sponsor and collaborate with Family Mediation Center and Hansen & Hildebrand's mediation practice, a decision that was not coincidental but based on personal experience. We firmly support the joint process of mediation, making it a natural choice to be part of this remarkable network. For those embarking on a similar journey, our combined expertise in real estate and divorce has led us to develop a checklist for divorced home sellers and buyers:
The journey through divorce can be unnerving and daunting. Selecting the right business partners, whether they're mediation lawyers, accountants, or real estate professionals, is crucial. Surround yourself with those who are both experts in their fields and empathetic to the life-altering impact of divorce. Cathy and I are here to assist you in transitioning from your current living situation to a fresh start, even though it may seem challenging. Please know that we've traversed a similar path in some way and are here to support you. Enata Homes [email protected] (262) 751-4494 www.enatahomes.com Integrating Alcohol Monitoring as Needed to Enhance the Effectiveness of Divorce Mediation9/13/2023
In the intricate landscape of divorce mediation, the primary objective is always to ensure the welfare of the children involved. As Family Law Practitioners who work jointly with couples as a Lawyer Mediator, our dedication to creating environments of stability and security is unwavering. One pressing issue we often encounter in such cases is alcohol misuse, which, if not addressed, can impact decision-making, parenting capabilities, and overall child well-being.
Within this framework, the role of a child specialist becomes indispensable. They not only act as a voice for the children but also work closely with parents to address alcohol-related issues. Their unique skills allow them to emphasize the safety and well-being of the child to support child-centered parental choices and behaviors. Child specialists collaborate with parents to craft a family plan tailored to the children's best interests, which is then incorporated into the final divorce agreement. This plan often considers aspects like placement schedules, decision-making, daily routines, and, when necessary, alcohol monitoring. The Need for Alcohol Monitoring in Mediation
Recent studies have indicated the prominence of alcohol misuse as a significant factor in marital discord and eventual dissolution. When alcohol concerns arise, child specialists can help address alcohol monitoring in mediation to ensure the child's well-being isn't compromised.
By incorporating alcohol monitoring, divorce professionals can:
Soberlink: A Path to Assurance
Soberlink stands out as a trusted ally in this space. Their state-of-the-art, remote alcohol monitoring system offers accuracy, user-friendliness, and real-time reporting. Using Soberlink in mediation not only assures parents and professionals alike of the objective verification of sobriety but also allows for swift intervention in the case of a drinking event. Its advancements, such as facial recognition and tamper detection technology, also work to ensure authenticity while maintaining user privacy.
Steps to Integrate Alcohol Monitoring
Prioritizing Children in Divorce Mediation
At the heart of divorce mediation is the child's well-being. Alcohol misuse can muddy the waters of this process. However, with tools like alcohol monitoring and the invaluable role of child specialists, a clearer, child-centric path to resolution emerges. By focusing on the best interests of the children and ensuring their safety, we pave the way for healthier post-divorce family dynamics.
By: Susan Hansen, Co-founder of Family Mediation Center
If you are considering divorce, you are understandably concerned about your children. As you consider options, remember that you and your spouse will co-create a divorce legacy for your family. Every decision you make and every action you take will impact your children.
Will your divorce be high-conflict and destructive to your family, or will the two of you focus on restructuring your family with integrity and shared love for your children? Imagine your now-grown child and a college roommate are talking about families, and your child says, “my parents are divorced”. The roommate asks, “what was that like for you?” What will your child say? One way to create a positive divorce story is to work with a child specialist who can help both parents stay child-centered, provide insight about what will help or hurt children, and give input about how to have a good co-parenting relationship post-divorce. You can find a list of experienced child and family specialists who serve the Greater Milwaukee area on our Professional Resources page. Your choice of lawyer and divorce process—do-it-yourself, mediation a joint process with one neutral lawyer, collaborative where you each have a lawyer solely focused on an out-of-court agreement, or traditional court-based representation—will profoundly affect your children. It is important to get education to make the best choice possible for you and your family. The Family Mediation Center provides education, legal support, and referrals to help you and your children have the most positive family legacy possible. Call us at 414-939-6707 for a free phone consultation.
By: Casey Holtz, PhD, Child and Family Specialist
Parents often dread telling their children about family changes such as divorce or separation. Many parents fear how upsetting the discussion will be for their children and ultimately do not want to hurt their children. It is important, however, for parents to let children know what is coming before it happens. It is also essential that children hear it from their parents.
Here are a few of the important things to consider as you decide how to manage this challenging situation. What to Remember During the Talk
Reach Out for More Help
If you would like more input or planning about telling your children, how to co-parent, or discuss options for restructuring your family and creating a parenting plan, consider reaching out to a child specialist or family therapist in your area. You may also contact Family Mediation Center for more information about divorce mediation to jointly navigate the legal process.
Casey A. Holtz, Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist and Child Specialist [email protected] 414-810-7647 www.caseyholtzphd.com
When couples decide to separate, they often imagine navigating a maze of complex legalities, family and financial restructuring, and emotional turbulence. At the Family Mediation Center, we believe divorce doesn't need to be a daunting or damaging process. It can be an opportunity for a fresh start and a chance to foster healthy transitions.
To make your journey smoother, we provide a comprehensive network of professionals across multiple disciplines on our Professional Resources page. These experts offer services that divorcing couples might need or find beneficial throughout the divorce process. Here's an overview of the various professional resources we've curated and why they are essential. Child and Family Specialists
Divorce inevitably comes with changes to your family’s structure, and these changes can significantly impact children. Child and family specialists provide strategies to manage the emotional aspects of divorce for children, minimize conflicts, and offer communication strategies to support your co-parenting and your child's future well-being.
Read more: How a Child Specialist Can Help You and Your Child Financial Planners
Divorce often brings significant changes to a family's financial landscape. A financial planner can help develop a post-divorce budget, create financial goals, provide investment advice, and ensure you're on a secure path for the future.
Realtors
Property division can be one of the most complicated aspects of divorce. Engaging a realtor who is experienced in divorce scenarios can help ensure that property sales or acquisitions are made efficiently, equitably, and with minimal stress.
Mortgage Lenders
A divorce might require you to refinance a mortgage or purchase a new home. Mortgage lenders can guide you through this process, helping you understand your options and secure the best possible terms.
Business Advisors
For couples who own businesses, your divorce may involve the division of those assets. Business advisors can provide valuation, assess tax implications, and guide you through the process of separating business assets equitably.
Estate Planners
Divorce requires a review of your estate plan. Estate planning attorneys can ensure that wills, trusts, beneficiaries, and power of attorney designations align with your wishes and proper implementation post-divorce.
Divorce Financial Specialists
Finances are one of the primary concerns in the majority of divorce cases. Divorce financial specialists can help facilitate collaborative solutions to these concerns. They can provide insight into the division of assets, retirement accounts, taxes, alimony, child support, long-term financial planning, and more.
Family Mediation Center is Here to Help
The Family Mediation Center is dedicated to helping you navigate divorce with a holistic, integrated approach. Our Professional Resources page supports our commitment by offering access to a wide range of professionals to support you at every stage of the process.
Remember, you're not alone in this journey. The right professional guidance can help transform what is often viewed as a stressful and complicated process into an empowering experience. Visit our Professional Resources page to learn more about these invaluable services and start laying the groundwork for your future today.
By: Serena Clardie, MSW, LCSW, Child Specialist
The impact of divorce on children is largely a reflection of how parents handle the restructuring of their family. Children can face long-term negative mental health impact from divorce when there is ongoing conflict between parents. Mediation helps parents discuss current challenges and anticipate future issues in co-parenting to minimize harm and stress on their children.
Working with a child specialist provides you with the expertise of a mental health professional trained in mediation and experienced in helping families navigate separation and divorce. A child specialist can offer guidance on the unique circumstances of the developmental stage your child is in when the divorce is first occurring as you are working to support them through the process and develop afamily plan. Child specialists can also help you consider how to shift your co-parenting strategies as your children grow and their needs change. Here are some developmental considerations:
Infant/Toddler (0-2 years)
Early Childhood (2-6 years)
Middle Childhood (6-12 years)
Adolescence (13-18 years)
Emerging adulthood (18-25 years)
Adult children
Child specialists can help parents understand and prepare for these stages in their children's lives as everyone continues to grow and change through the divorce. The input and positive communication support of a child specialist at the outset can help parents create a healthy foundation for family transitions and a positive future for their children.
Contact the Family Mediation Center
The Family Mediation Center will help begin the child-focused process of mediation with the help of a Child Specialist.
Contact us today to schedule a free initial phone call with one of our experienced lawyers who can help you weigh options for next steps. For more information to help you make a decision that is right for you and your family call (414) 273-2422.
Serena Clardie, MSW, LCSW owns a private psychotherapy practice in Milwaukee. She works as a Child Specialist with divorcing families and specializes in work with adolescents and young adults and treatment for mood and anxiety disorders. She can be reached at [email protected].
Keeping Your Children at the Center but Out of the Middle – Raising Healthy Children in Two Homes5/27/2021
By: Maureen Goldblatt, LPC, CSAC, Child Specialist & Therapist
As parents navigating a separation or divorce, you want to do what is best for your children. However, it is not easy to work together or know what to do or say. Divorce can bring upset and uncertainty at a time when your children need to depend on your stability.
If you want to lessen the risks to your children and keep them at the forefront of your thoughts and actions during your divorce, then I challenge you to make these 5 promises to your children:
1. I promise to stop the fighting
Parental conflict is the major contributor to harmful effects of divorce on children. Never have a disagreement when your children are present; instead go for a walk or schedule a time to discuss. Your children are listening – I promise. They are what I call “super-spies”. They want to know what is going on but do not have the emotional capacity to handle the tension or content. This applies to text messages as well. Children will search or accidentally see your messages. Be mindful of your phone and where you leave it. Better yet, use email or a phone call to avoid inadvertently putting your children in the middle of your argument. Be aware of your expressions and body tension too – remember 90% of what we communicate is in body language, not words. Keep sarcasm, digs, and eye-rolling out of the relationship. You are modeling for your children how to have healthy family relationships.
2. I promise to treat my co-parent with respect
Speak kindly about each other and eliminate the negativity towards each other. Your children won’t love you more if they are mad at the other parent, instead, they just have more negative emotions to handle. How we address a person is also a form of respect. Did you switch from calling your co-parent “mom” to now “your mom” or “dad” to “your dad”? Yes, it is semantics, but it is more than that, it is decreasing your respect for the family as well as dividing up the family structure into an “us vs them”. Children need to see you model positive, respectful behaviors. For example, greet each other at transitions, in the stands at the game or other events. Do not be the parents who cannot even sit near one another at child events. Ask the same of your extended family. Keep the children out of conflict and out of the middle.
3. I promise to encourage my children to have a strong relationship with both parents and all extended family members
It takes a village to raise healthy children and having a quality relationship with both parents and extended family is part of that equation. Your job as a parent is to nurture each of these relationships. This can be done by protecting your children from feeling guilty for enjoying time with each parent. Human nature wants to focus on the negative but I challenge each of you to look at your co-parents' strengths as a parent and as an individual. Push yourselves. Share in your children’s excitement at both homes. Both parents have an important role, and it adds up to more than divvying up time. Your children are not a math equation nor an object that can be divided. Stop fighting over 50/50, instead focus on quality vs quantity. Children cherish moments and memories, not a specific % of time. Meanwhile, strengthen your skills as a parent. Work on being engaged when your children are with you, stay in the moment vs in the past or future. Balance your work and family time.
4. I promise to continue to learn and grow as a parent and co-parent
Co-parenting is about making child-centered decisions together. Do you have similar expectations, routines, bedtimes, use of electronics or phone time, effort in school, and behavioral expectations? The younger your children, the more similar your parenting needs to be however all children benefit greatly from routines and expectations no matter what their age. Parenting is all about consistency and follow-through. Don’t change the rules just to look better as a parent. You are not doing your children any long-term favors.
5. I promise to plan for the future now and not kick the can down the road
Over these past 20 years, I have seen first-hand the consequences to children when parents fail to discuss the future and create a joint family plan at the time of their divorce. Parents often want to avoid details and say we can make that decision later. However, kicking the can down the road does not avert conflict, instead, it usually creates more conflict. Decisions only get more complicated as children get older, not simpler. Working with a Child Specialist can help you develop a child-focused plan based on your children’s development and your family dynamics and avoid potential future conflicts. Families looking for more specific support and input individually tailored to your family and your children's needs should consult with a Child Specialist. Contact Family Mediation Center
Contact us today to schedule a free initial phone call with one of our experienced lawyers who can help you weigh options for next steps. For more information to help you make a decision that is right for you and your family call (414) 273-2422.
|